杂记1108

今天梦见来了月经.

身体冷的厉害,穿上羽绒衣还冻得够呛. 只能弯着腿蜷在将将可以包裹的住的被子里咯咯打颤.胃口则是一点都没,时而又饿的咬牙,吃一口则又涨的难受.就这么浑浑噩噩的躺在床上,分不清或饿或饱,或冷或痛,或醒或梦.

全世界仿佛只剩下了一个人.比孤零零的面对一整个世界还要糟的是束手无策却知道要孤零零的面对一整个世界.仿佛漆黑的夜,独自走进海里,每走一步空气便少一点,海水的压力更大一点,直到咬紧牙关攥紧手掌屏住呼吸,<咕噜>一声被完全没过.

<啪嗒>一滴水声.便什么也没有了.

只有咬着牙抿紧嘴. 一个字也不能说.

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Iris

自二十岁以来, 我时而会收到并不属于自己的物品.
梳子
香水
相片
卡片
瑜伽垫
每一样整整齐齐干干净净的摆放在抽屉的角落. 静静的束之高阁. 它们是那么的特别, 和我的世界如此格格不入. 它们都高雅的一尘不染, 简直放在哪里都突兀, 放在哪里都觉得被玷污.

我从没想过要去用它们. 因为它们不属于我. 左看看右看看却怎么也找不到合适的角度下手. 拿在手里, 感受到得却是另一个世界的温度和触感. 怎么攥着都不踏实. 怎么用着都别扭.

Continue reading “Iris”

mobiol me I

I’m a DNA polymerase. I need a primer to bond with others, to start a conversation, and to fix my mistakes.

My life is broken and going backwards. I’m full of Okazaki fragments.

I’m a globular protein. I’m free-floating, trying to fold into a mature, more stable self. Yet, most of the time, I get stuck in various intermediate valleys of local minimal free energy. Hard to get out when being semi-satisfied and the view of the future is blocked.

I’m an RA-LTMR. I fire only at the onset and the offset of a stimulus —— a person, a project, a story. I’m hyperactive at the beginning —— a new relationship, a new place, a new memory, and at the moment of closure —— when the door shuts down, the light switches, climax is reached. Maybe my life, too —— I must be excited when it ends.  Continue reading “mobiol me I”

我好像是在等待着什么. 好像有一个转折点一闪而过, 萤火虫般的发出幽亮的绿光. 我试图握住她. 翻开手, 却什么也没有了.

一定是我在冷风冷雨里驻足了太久, 身体僵硬, 以致手脚不利索了. 或许是我的眼睛在黑暗中产生了错觉, 无法准确定位到亮点的确切位置. 也可能久违了得兴奋让我浑身上下颤动的失去了判断能力. 或许…

总之这一束光稍纵即逝, 我察觉的快, 失去的更快.
这一扇门微微开了一点, 稍稍透出里面的光,暖 和香味, 却又<哐当>一声的死死拴上了——而我还在抱怨这风太大.

我不喜欢眼睁睁看着她从手边滑过的错失感, 尤其这般迅速.
我突然也很讨厌这种莫名其妙的不确定, 像飘在空中的萤火一样的不确定感.
——我却还忘了问你的名字.

而我还得面对这冷的发凉的雨天
独自一人
面对蓝的发黑的天空和远方的地平线
和置身其中带来的前所未有的强烈的恐惧. Continue reading “我”

Another crack at the FTO locus and a cautionary note on gene knock-out

This paper from the Kellis lab is a great demostration of how functional genomic studies should be in the post hight throughput sequencing era.

They took on a classic GWAS example, obesity, which has a fairly high genetic component, up to 80% heritability. A 47kb region spanning the first and second intron of the FTO gene is strongly associated with the genetic variation of body-mass index (BMI). Subsequent KO studies in animal models revealed a direct functional link between the FTO protein and control of thermogenesis, energy expenditure and regulation of body weight.

Then you wanna ask yourself: WTH are we still doing, when FTO sure looks like the culprit for obesity? Because none of the associated variants could explain the disregulation of FTO expression. In other words, there’s a missing link between the genotype and phenotype, which puts the whole idea of FTO being causal into question.
Continue reading “Another crack at the FTO locus and a cautionary note on gene knock-out”

以前中学里有个家伙
胖胖的 穿着破布棉袄
每天没事儿就喜欢站在别人班门口盯着进出的女生.
眼睛一个直的 跟没见过漂亮姑娘似的.
大家都笑话他 觉得他是个异类 脑筋有问题那种.
跟笑话街上走路一颠一颠 嘴上抽抽傻笑的人一样的笑话.

只有我默默的很敬重他.
因为他做的是我一直想做
却没有勇气做的事.
因为我知道我的尊荣
没有这个资格.
我只敢偷偷的 假装再看别的的样子的时候 瞄上一眼
生怕被别人看出来
也揪出来嘲笑辱骂

I’d like to see you all.
I’d like to have you all.

我是一个行动的矮子.
我只敢写下来.
假装别人看不到.
我只敢用文字
恣意的妄为.
还要声东击西
假装在说别的事
好被人揪住以后
事后开脱.

I wish you were all still.
I wish you were all smile.

HHMI meeting Day 3

Today was all systems neuroscience, an area that I don’t quite get. And because of this lack of understanding, research in this field usually falls into two categories to me: questions too simple to study, and questions too lofty to grasp. But still, I found most of the talks interesting and well-presented. Topics range from visual reflex, motor coordination and learning, to reward and decision making.

The one talk that I really like is a functional imaging study of conditioned fear memory from the Schnitzer lab. The presentation was too fast to absorb every bits of detail and the computation is little too difficult for me, but the gist of it is that they managed to perform calcium imaging in an ensemble of neurons in lateral amygdala, an area critically important for the formation, storage and retrieval of fear memory, during a typical conditioned fear memory paradigm. The take home is that during training sessions, the populational activity pattern of neurons responsive to the conditioned stimulus (CS) becomes more similar to the neurons responsive to the unconditioned stimulus (US); and this similarity becomes even higher during the consolidation period after the training. What’s more interesting is that after memory extinction, the similarity between the CS and US neurons is lost, but the activity pattern of the CS neurons do not reverse back to their naive state before training, rather they adopt a totally different state, which suggests that extinction is perhaps not a simple erasure of the established memory but is an active mechanism driving the cells into a new circuit.

HHMI meeting Day 2

It was a busy day packed with all sorts of exciting science and personality.

Totally didn’t sleep well last night. Luckily the meeting started with works from Kolodkin and Engle labs that I’m quite familiar with. So that was a easy wake up transition for me.

A ton of circuit studies today. Aggression from Anderson, taste perception from Zuker, salt appetite from Palmiter, olfactory memory from Bargmann, and memory from Tonegawa. Not too many new stuff. No new technique. But still, good to hear them presenting in person.

The highlight of day, in my opinion, is work presented by Chris Chang at Berkeley on metal, particularly copper, as signaling molecules in the nervous system. There’re regions in the brain that are highly enriched in copper and they’ve devised imaging and other methods to visualize copper in real time and in response to different stimuli. Pharmacological perturbation of copper transport affects various aspects of normal neuronal function besides its crucial role as a redox center in metabolism. That opens up a lot of interesting directions. Copper is the new Calcium, in a way, if you have the right tools.

Had somewhat in-depth discussion with Walsh, Ecker and Axel. They seemed to have high praise about my work and be enthusiastic about a possible future. Pretty sure now that I’m going to line up an interview with Walsh. There’s a lot new initiatives and huge projects that get me really itchy and hooked up, and I could see, easily, a 10, 15 years of outlook stemmed from these projects.